Today I saw a patient whom has been coming to see me regularly for FOUR years.
I know him well. I can tell by feeling his pulse if his chronic pain is a 3/10 or a 7/10.
Today he showed up and I knew instantly that something was wrong. His relationship had ended, and he was terribly upset. "I feel like someone has died," he told me, his chin quivering.
Even though I am about to celebrate five years (!) of togetherness with the VBM, I am no stranger to that visceral awfulness that is early stage broken heart. You awaken too early, your heart the size of a city. A big crimson swollen nightmare city that will not calm down. In that city, there is raping, pillaging, and burning. The sky is on fire. Maybe on the horizon you can see a mushroom cloud. It is bad in that city. There is no end to the void of loneliness, of obsessing about what happened. The bootstraps, they are over there across that void and fuck if it seems like pulling yourself up by them is going to do you any good. Tonight I raise my glass to this heartbroken man and ask whatever powers that be to grant him his first night of decent rest, and a little light to help him in the morning.
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Okay, then. A little levity is in order. You know, our moms are supposed to love us. Granted, some of them don't, and some of us don't deserve it, and some people are unfortunate enough to have moms that can't or won't love them. But I'm not talking about those people that are in the newspaper every day. I'm talking about our moms, people. They love us even though we moved across the country and we decided not to go to law school so we could be acupuncturists!
Sometimes, we get lucky enough so that other people's moms love us. And when that happens, you know things are good. I 'm always surprised and amazed at the love VBM's Mom shows me. Of course, I'm crazy about her, too. She's smart and edgy and she has beautiful hair. I do wish she would wear it down more often. And Jackie's Mom, one day, hugged me as I was leaving, and told me, quietly, in my ear, that she loved me.
What good fortune it is to be surrounded by this kind of love. I hope I can live up to it!
2 comments:
I wish I could be there to hug you and tell you I love you. But if you recall, you were the one that moved clear across the country, not me!
I am very glad that you have some moms out there to love you in my place. In some ways, it's probably even better for you. I kind of really like VBM's mom, too. I'm really glad I got to meet her.
And for what it's worth, I love VBM alot!
P.S Congrats on your 5(!) years together.
There aren't any moms that can love me in your place. Don't be silly.
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