Wireless Phone Jerks V1.0
The Guy Who Is Always On The Phone: This guy has a handset and is in front of you in line. He is slightly overweight and a sloppy dresser. The only plus with him is that you can't hear him talking. In fact, he might just be wandering around aimlessly holding his stupid phone to his ear like the moron he really is. This guy also never picks up the tab for his girlfriend.
Sidenote: she is mildly hot, but stupid, and you know by her gum chomping and her sparkly eyeliner that she is a perfect match for this guy, excepting she is, well, hot.
The Driving Bimbo: Needs no explanation. Jetta, Accord, BMW. Orange skin tone. Very dangerous.
Self Important Guy: He may be in real estate, construction, or finance. Wears an earpiece, even at family dinners. If he works with his hands, he has the giant phone protruding like the erection he can't seem to get anymore from his belt. Has loud conversations involving tee times or invoices.
Loud Ringtone Person: This person can be anyone. The worst offenders have easily recognized music as their obnoxious ringtones, but others have any old ringtone. The key issue here is volume.
People Who Won't Turn Their Phones Off: Self explanatory. These folks go to restaurants, movies, operas, dentists, acupuncturists, and graduate school. If you are one of these people, please go fuck yourself 10,000 times.
The Guy At The Bus Stop or He May Be Outside Your Window Who HAS To Talk Very Loudly For All To Hear. (note: usually about relationship drama or everything he has to do today down to the last minute.)
Gah! I have to stop this. It is almost worse than thinking about driving.
3 comments:
I must say, Zetta, that I'm right there with you. It's easy for one to tell another to calm down when they begin to exhibit the same kinds of angsty-social-ills-hating behavior that one secretly (and sometimes not-so-secretly) engages in. So, for what it's worth, I'm dropping - for now - the devil's advocate attitude and joining you in the spirit of your latest rant.
Also, if you haven't seen it already from the "Hell Yeah, Teach!" link on my blog, check it out. I think it makes a great illustration of our mutual frustration.
Note: Politicians also fall under the category of "self-important" but I usually just call them fuckers (sorry mom)
I do not know what politicans have to do with this post.
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