The last time I went home for the holidays my sister's crazy undertaker husband crashed Christmas and tried to abscond with her annoying little dog, and my mom, who was suffering already from an upper respiratory thing, broke a tooth.
There was no snow, it was cold as fuck, everyone was miserable, and I just wanted to return to my comfy Pacific NW haven and smell the mud.
Nowadays, I just don't go home for this. I have no idea about the status of my relationship with my sister. She won't call me. I miss my parents, but honestly I would rather see them in the spring or the fall where they live, due to the inhospitable climate. No matter how we might try, we can't seem to attain the joyful merriment that we should be experiencing. We would have the trappings: a tree, a snowy backdrop, health, togetherness, and a table with food on it, and yes, presents. But the experience we all want to have--that secret magic of Christmas--not there so much. Especially not with the stress of little annoying dogs being kidnapped and teeth breaking.
One of my girlfriends, who has migrated to the home of her parents for the holiday, just called me. She told me she was ready to come back the day she left, and that she had been sick. People weren't getting along, and by the sound of it, maybe they weren't interested in anything but fighting. She declared that she would not be returning again for the holidays with them.
I feel sad for how disappointed she is feeling.
It is a strange moment when you realize that the place you came from isn't home. It's where you live your life in the present.
So I am home for the holidays, my home, the home I choose every day.
3 comments:
No fighting. . .I promise
Yeah, we as a society are bombarded with this ideal xmas scene, which seems to used to sell more stuff as far as I can tell. But one would hope that people can get it together for one day and be close and decent to each other...
I'm about to leave for Cali to see my folks, both of which are in extremely poor health and don't seem to do anything about it. I'll play referee between them... alas.
On the positive note tho, my little brother and his wife are gonna have a baby, so next xmas, I'll spend way too much on little organic baby socks & such.. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing...
Well, I got back today and things were not so bad, after that initial fiasco. Nice to see people I only see once a year. But walking on eggshells all week, just to avoid the holiday fighting, not so much fun. So, I confirmed to my mom that this would be my last Fresno XMas, and if she wanted to see me, she could come up to PDX, without the person I don't want to see. I feel a little guilty, for being as stubborn as he is though. Self-righteous bitch that I am.
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