How to be an Asshole

1) Be a self-absorbed, smug, middleclass white woman with children.
2) Buy a house in a neighborhood ripe for gentrifying.
3) Send your kids to a liberal whiteguy school in the transitional neighborhood.
3a) Go to a fundraiser for this school.
3b) Purchase a raffle ticket and win a gift certificate for an acupuncture treatment, donated by someone in your neighborhood for the benefit of the school you send your children to.
3c) Note that this month is March, and said gift certificate expires at the end of October. File away.
3d) At the end of October, decide to redeem this gift certificate, but be really inflexible about it. Next step.
4) Call the person who has donated this gift certificate and tell her that you can only come on Oct 21 at 10:30am.
Note that this is not a time when she keeps office hours and ask her to make an exception for you. When she does this,
devise ways to thwart her. Call her up and tell her you need to leave by noon that day, therefore shortening the time she
needs to spend with you by one half hour.
5) Wait.
6) Listen to her voicemail that states that she is sending you some paperwork you can fill out ahead of time so that she can
make sure you can keep your engagements.
7) Think hard about how else you can thwart her.
8) Call her up and ask her how long she has been in practice and what her credentials are. Note that everything is in order.
9) Think back to all your asshole training.
10) Call her up on a Saturday morning and leave a voicemail stating that you have thought long and hard about this appointment, but that you have decided that you will cancel your appointment because you want a free treatment from someone else, someone who has more than ten years' experience.

I'm so not kidding.