If I were Queen Of The World

People would not say "I threw up in my mouth a little". That was funny exactly one time, and that time was the first time anyone saw Zoolander. After that, becomes punishable by death. Even writing it on your stupid blog or myspace page is out. Using this verbage in a comment scenario on the internet, also rates execution.

People would not talk on their stupid cell phones in workout areas of the gym. Ever. Also, punishable by death.

People would not write paragraphs that look like this....it is so annoying....it just makes the writer seem lame, flakey, and like her thoughts are forever trailing off....it isn't appropriate to write like this...so if I were Queen Of The World, writing paragraphs like this....would get your typing privileges revoked....permanently....

Text messaging at all, much less while driving, gets you grading papers for the comp 101 class at Juvie. For a year.

Wearing a bluetooth headset at dinner? Forehead tattooing that reads "BLUETOOL".

There would be NO high fructose corn syrup and no industrial corn stuff in any food.
There would be no Big Gulps or Supersizes. The largest soda available would be sweetened with sugar and in an 8oz container.

Reality TV, banished.

Them damn kids would stop dressing like crack whores.

People would not be able to get famous by going on television with their breast implant surgeons.

4 day work weeks, people.

Ridiculous packaging, a mere memory.

No holiday advertising.

There would always be decaf at the self serve station where you go grocery shopping.

Billboards? What billboards?

The airport would not suck.

Housing, healthcare, and education would be accessible to everyone, not just rich people or corporations.

Kids, they would not be allowed in brewpubs, or to ride their bicycles in bagel shops.

I know there is so much more I can do as Queen, but for now, I need a little siesta.
*sigh*