I wonder what kind of googlers will find me today

Things Cooper has recently stolen:
my wallet
my camera
all of my pens
placemats
linen napkins
my socks
35464849 of my shoes
some of VBM's shoes
my Rx sunglasses
a leaf off of my palm tree
a binder lifted out of my bag, which was on the couch
my calculator
the offboard shutter release I haven't even used yet
my pajama bottoms
a couple of my shirts
one of VBM's cycling shoes
maybe a few of VBM's socks
some of my mail
pretty much whatever he can find that is mine
VBM's fancy scientific calculator

Dishes we could make out of Cooper if we decide to kill and eat him:
Dog au vin
Dog Tartare
Coopsoullet
Roasted dog loin
Dogs benedict
Braised dog with ancho chiles in adobo
Macaroni and Coop
Dog parmesan
Cooper picatta
Flourless chocolate dog
Scrambled dogs
Dog grois
Dog legs
Dogttata
Fried dog rinds
Coop scampii
Dog confit
Dog shawarma
Moo shoo Coop
Fried dog wans
Coop cacciatore
Dog chowdah
Curried samoyed dog
Corned dog and cabbage
Cooper meuniere with browned butter
Dogs mignons
Linguine with dog and cream
Poached dogs in red wine
Twice baked dog