I have finally discovered the secret to starting a lawnmower.
It's true! After years of hanging my head in shame while nursing a sore arm, I have at long last prevailed. There will be no more waiting for weeks for it to occur to VBM to mow the lawn while we put a shine on our reputation as the bubbas on the block. No more cringing every time I come home and avoiding eye contact with the neighbors. No more sucking it up when friends come by and remark, "Hey, nice yard. Can I have a Schlitz?"
Wanna know what it is?
All you have to do is call your lawnmower a sonofabitch and it will start up on the first pull!
Why didn't anyone tell me this before?
3 comments:
Well, you know. Sometimes saying goddammotherfucker works too.
Don't forget to spit! Also a new spark plug often helps too.
Ya know?. . .Call anything sonofabitch or goddamnmotherfucker and it may just start whirling a pair of not terribly sharp blades at 986534096830968mph in your direction.
Careful.
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