Sunday, March 19, 2006
Across the universe
I miss my grandmother. What do I do about her phone number in my phone? I can't bring myself to delete it. As silly as that really is, my own personal superstition supersedes reason. I feel a hollow kind of pain where her voice used to be when I would call her. I imagine I could do it, one more time, and maybe she would answer. Inside her voice are those little individual cereal boxes (Sugar Smacks and HoneyCombs and Lucky Charms) she would give us for breakfast. Her laughter contains bubble baths, candy whenever, and the possibility of sheer delight no matter what happened in the past. I wish I could see her again, show her some random things I have found, and maybe eat some cereal. Perhaps it is that somehow I'll keep a chance of being able to do it if I leave her phone number in my phone, there for me to call at some crazy transcendental moment.
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5 comments:
Oh, I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother. What blue feelings. You don't have to delete anything until you feel like it's time.
I still have the phone number of my friend and writing teacher, Melanie, in my list and she passed away a while ago. For me, I feel like Melanie visits me often, even though she's gone.
These things... they are very hard.
oh I forgot about that! yes, she was an epicure.
boy, you remember your grandma giving you some yummy things to eat....my grandma gave me salted shrimp paste and rice. to eat.
i am sorry you are missing her, zetta.
I can't delete it either. Maybe because she is not really "gone" and that the act of pressing the delete key somehow makes it feel as though we are erasing her from our hearts. Not silly and not superstitious, more like sentimental and beautiful, like the memories. I miss her so...
I can't delete her number either. I called it the other night...on my way home from work, at the time I had been calling her to see how she was doing. I pushed the call button, a man's voice came on and told me this number cannot be reached as dialed. But I knew...she was still there. She will always still be there. But I miss her too.
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