This is the story about how I ran into the sliding glass door at Jiffy Lube with my face

When I was in acupunk school, I was so broke. I was even broker than I am now, and I had to wait to do shit like change the oil in my shitty jetta until student loans were disbursed. (Let us all take a moment to remember the shitty jetta. She was o-l-d, she was white, it rained inside of her, and she was fast. She was also beaten to a pulp. Poor thing.)
ANYWAYS.
So one fine sunny December day here in Portland, I went down to school to collect my loan check. The sun was shining, I had money, and I had time. Time to get my oil changed! I drove on over to Jiffy Lube and lo! There was no waiting! My heart sang with joy. The monkey wrenchers set about trying to sell me radiator caps, wiper blades and everything else they could think of. I told them kids to cram it, and went on inside to enjoy myself some crappy Jiffy Lube coffee and watch daytime television in the waiting room. On my way in there, I did not notice that there was a door between the shop and the waiting area. It seemed to me that it was just open. I sipped some see-through coffee and watched Marlena tell John how much she loved him. John narrowed his eyes and said, "Doc, I love you." Whatever.
The monkey wrencher came into the waiting area and tried to sell me some amazing new whatchacallit that would make the shitty jetta into a gunmetal colored Boxter. I was all, I TOL' YOU TO CRAM IT. He shrugged and set about ringing me up for my oil change. I paid for it and was handed a receipt, which for some reason said alot of stuff on it. I began scrutinizing my receipt and walking, at the same time, very quickly, towards the shitty jetta, which was still parked inside the shop.
Now, somewhere in between John and Marlena and paying for the oil change, a bunch of gremlins came in and closed the SLIDING GLASS DOOR between the waiting area and the shop. After they closed it, they cleaned it, like, really well.
Oh. There was a sound. It shook the whole building when my nose bashed into the sliding glass door. There was a second of total silence, and then there was the sympathetic "Ohhhh!" uttered by all the monkey wrenchers. Someone said: "Uh, are you OK?"
Yes, I said. Yes I am. But I am very embarrassed right now, so I need to leave. I got in the shitty jetta and got the hell out of there. For about half a block. That is how long it took for the explosion inside my face to happen.
I went home. My roommate was on the couch, watching Marlena and John make love. I think she was high. I went straight for the freezer. She said: "My Friend, what happened to you?"