something creepy this way comes!

I think David Lynch was in my clinic today.
Not literally, of course. I would not throw rocks at him if he did show up.
But whoo things were weird.
I have spent most of my life working in shitty customer service jobs, and so, like most of my peers, I can usually get a read on somebody in the first two seconds of any encounter. I can pretty much size em up and know if they can handle being chided, teased, or yelled at. I know what to say to people to make them comfortable, and usually I can keep the talkers on track.
Today? It was as if I was a babe in the woods with this guy who came in. I knew he wasn't quite right because I had spoken with him briefly on the phone the day before, but I worked in rehab for two years, and I figured what the hell, he can't be THAT batshit crazy, right? Uh, wrong. He looked relatively normal on the outside, kind of Moby-like. Lets call him Moby.
I shook his hand. He didn't have the telltale dead-fish grip, or clammy hands, or any of the handshake giveaways. But. Then he opened his mouth and did not shut it. For a long time. Here is how it went when I was trying to figure out what to do with/about him:
Me: So, what brings you here today?
Moby: blah blah blah I was a vegan, you know, until March, or maybe May. I love this woman but she doesn't I can eat lamb and not chicken blah blah blah qi-gong blah blah blah and walking around.
Me:
Moby: and once in awhile I will wear a skirt but I really have been getting away from meditating twice a day blah blah blah what are your qualifications? Like pre-Mao blah blah blah like this doctor and intern I was seeing at the blah blah cuddling with gay guys
Me:

I was going to write about the treatment, but I just don't have the wherewithal to even describe it.
And then he would. Not. Leave. He just hung out and sat around (which I usually like people to do, because I love them, but not this guy) doing nothing for another hour. I felt decidedly ew after. Not because he is gay and won't admit it. But because--see above!